How To Be A Good Democrat (what you have to believe)
vanity | 12/10/2007 | self and others

Posted on 12/10/2007 8:13:17 AM PST by hripka

How To Be A Good Democrat (what you have to believe)

1. You have to be against capital punishment on the guilty, but support abortion on demand on the innocent.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by documented cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that hurting a dog is front page news, but five people killed in your city over a weekend isn't.
7. You have to believe that the violence in Israel, Chechnya, Iraq, Kashmir, Algeria, Sudan, Pakistan, Indonesia and Afghanistan is not caused by Muslims.
8. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
9. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
10. You have to believe that some teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
11. You have to believe that the people in the US Senate and the US House of Representatives are representative of America.
12. You have to believe that some cold medicines require a prescription, but teenagers can get a morning-after pill without a prescription.
13. You have to believe that global warming is caused by human activity, but that somehow *MILE*-thick glaciers over Wisconsin disappeared on their own 10,000 years ago.
14. You have to believe that hunters who cull overpopulated herds don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of a coffee shop do.
15. You have to believe that there is free expression on college campuses.
16. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
17. You have to believe that Hollywood doesn't actively promote filth, even though R-rated movies earn on average less than G and PG rated ones.
18. You have to believe that the same government responsible for $500 toilet seats and the DMV will do a better job with your healthcare.
19. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
20. You have to believe that taxes are too low, and should be raised by a TRILLION dollars in 2009, but ATM fees are too high.
21. You have to believe that the free enterprise system is evil, but an unaudited Federal Reserve setting interest rates in a free market is OK.
22. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger, Gloria Steinem and Cesar Chavez are more important to American history than George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell.
23. You have to believe that Native Americans were peaceful before 1492.
24. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas, affirmative action and racial set-asides are not.
25. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
26. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
27. You have to believe that Jimmy Carter was a great president.
28. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
29. You have to believe that there is such a thing as a Social Security "lockbox" and that all of your Social Security tax payments are waiting in an account somewhere for you.
30. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality are OK and should be constitutionally protected (and sponsorship by Miller Beer is OK too), but manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
31. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
32. You have to believe that illegal immigrants do not depress wages in the US.
33. You have to believe that you can "support the troops" but not for what those troops volunteered and are fighting for.
34. You have to believe that children under 18 have more rights than their own parents.
35. You have to believe that someone in Washington (or your state capitol) knows better about your life than you do.
36. You have to believe that Afro-Americans, or Jews, or women, or Hispanics, or union workers, or gays can't possibly be conservative.
37. You have to believe that everyone thinks the way you do, (that's the way the smart people think, right?) and to be shocked and appalled when someone has a different opinion.
38. You have to believe that it's okay to give government workers the day off on Christmas Day, but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."
39. You have to believe that Al Gore's *movie* deserves a PEACE prize.
40. You have to believe Al Gore's movie.
41. You have to believe that when a Republican is in the White House, homelessness is increasing, the world hates us and the economy sucks, while when a Democrat is in the White House homelessness has been eliminated, the world loves us and the economy rocks.
42. You have to believe that our Army can't stop illegal aliens crossing our national border, but that our Army should be sent to feed hungry people in different parts of the world.
43. You have to believe that low approval ratings matter when Bush has them, but now that the Democrats have taken over Congress, and have even LOWER approval ratings, approval ratings somehow don't matter any more.
44. You have to believe that Christianity is evil and that Islam is a "religion of peace".
45. You have to believe that a fence on the border is bad, but a fence around the White House works.
46. You have to believe that Castro, Che Guevera and Yassir Arafat were all nice men.
47. You have to believe that a Republican talking about his faith is divisive, but a Democrat talking about his faith is sincere.
48. You have to believe that Hillary, Obama, Edwards, Pelosi and Reid are the best that your party can offer.
49. You have to believe that women in the USA are oppressed, but women in Saudi Arabia are free.
50. You have to believe that term limits are bad, and that the longer you are in government the more you understand those outside of it.
51. You have to believe that tenure is OK, but merit pay for teachers isn't.
52. You have to believe that if Hillary is elected, Bill will be kept under control.
53. You have to believe there is no such thing as vote fraud, but if it is happening, Republicans are doing it.
54. You have to believe that the people in church on a Sunday morning are what's wrong with America.
55. You have to believe that a government official saying, "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you," is telling you the truth.
56. You have to believe that a sign in the United States that is in English is discriminatory.
57. You have to believe that all nations and cultures are equal and good, except the US, which isn't.
58. You have to believe that any new problem can be solved with a new government program, and any unsolved problems that still exist have had their budget cut by those evil Republicans.
59. You have to believe that Canada does it better, its just a shame that they are colder.
60. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy, but Democratic talking points don't originate from Moveon.org.

That is a lot to swallow